Usually my posts have an upbeat message. They mirror my life. Despite the tragedy and loss I have experienced, I strive to find the positive in each day. Today I am struggling. The waves of depression and anxiety have knocked me down hard and I’m only capable of coming up for survival breaths. These waves have knocked down before and I’ve emerged even stronger. They won’t last forever.
Grief in its rawest form looks like hopelessness. It feels like no happiness will ever fill my heart again. The physical drain has rendered me exhausted. The mental and emotional drain makes it hard to concentrate on anything. These are the symptoms of grief that come and go. They won’t last forever.
For almost four years now I have been a grieving mom. I have inhabited this Earth without my oldest son. Tears have poured out of my eyes for all that has been lost. They won’t last forever.
I will make it to the other side of these tough days. There will be smiles again. There will be happiness again. There will be laughter again. They won’t last forever. Love is the only thing that lasts forever. Love to heaven…
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Published by christiansredballoon
My name is Cara Martinisi. I am mother to three boys and a wife to my high school sweetheart. Up until three and a half years ago, I lived a mainly charmed life. I married the first boy I fell in love with, had three easy pregnancies and three healthy boys. Family and friends were plentiful and amazing. There were bumps in the road, like with anyone else. For the most part, though, I had lived my life with everything falling neatly into place.
This all changed after living 35 years in this manner. On July 3rd 2014, our house got struck by lightening. It was a scary experience, which resulted in a fire. Our entire family escaped the fire safely. Our home needed to be gutted and rebuilt, but we realized just how blessed we were to all be safe and sound. Fast forward exactly eight weeks later, to the end of the summer, August 28th. Our entire world was changed in a matter of minutes. We were living in a rental home, where a freak accident occurred. The supporting pole in the garage was not secure. It fell on my six year old son, Christian. My then three year old son and I witnessed the entire scene.
This has irrevocably changed who I am as a person in every way. I am now a bereaved mother. It may be one of my titles, but not my identity. My family will never be the same. We are left to move on, while we are not whole. The trauma, shock and pain resonates daily, in one way or another. My mission, now, is to help others who have joined this undesirable club. My mission is to carry on my son’s message, which was kindness. My mission, now, is to make a new normal. I hope you get some inspiration from my posts, whether you are a bereaved parent or not. Grieving a child teaches you lessons that one can never learn in any other way. As always, love to heaven...
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Cara Martinisi 