Spirituality has played a large role in my journey through grief. Many things happened in the days following Christian’s death that proved to me that energy never dies. One of the most powerful was the repeated image of a heart popping up in my mind. It appeared and reappeared almost daily. I assumed this was a sign from him. My assumption was confirmed to be correct when one morning, on one of my early walks, I found a perfectly shaped heart rock. Immediately I knew it was from him. I felt it was from him. Even my children pick up heart rocks from their brother now.
Our collection of heart rocks has grown quite extensive over the last few years. We are picky with the rocks we accept as gifts from Christian! They must be a heart on both sides. Those are the ones that are truly from him.
On Friday at my youngest son, Nicky’s school, they were taking sibling photos. I dressed my boys in matching outfits and brought them for their photos. As we were walking Nicky to his classroom, we found a small, heart shaped puddle. Of course, we stopped to take photos and send kisses up to heaven. After a breakfast date with my middle son, Anthony, he and I went on a hike. We found a few heart rocks to add to our collection along the way. We also found a beautiful heart rock, positioned perfectly in a stream.
Christian also made it perfectly clear that I was not forgotten yesterday, on Mother’s Day. On the way to a mini photo shoot with my boys and my mom, my youngest stopped in his tracks. “Look, Mom! A heart rock”. Honestly, I think it was more of a chunk of pavement, but it was in a perfect heart shape. Christian made sure I felt the love from him. He also made his way into the photos!
These are not coincidences. Our angel is forever with us, walking beside us. I am confident that he places people on my path at the right times, just like the heart rocks on our hiking path. I cannot see him anymore, but I feel him. When I sit quietly, and deliberately invite him to speak to me in my heart, I can hear his messages. He is very much a part of me, my family, our friends and our community. Since losing my son, my sense of spirituality continues to evolve and change. It is my connection to him. Love to heaven…