Most of my blog posts revolve around the loss of my son, Christian. His death changed my life in an instant. Unfortunately shortly thereafter another person, who I held close to my heart, passed away. Two months to the day after we lost Christian our family suffered another great loss. Some of you remember it, some of you have heard me talk about it and some of you may just be learning about it. I don’t write about her often, but we lost my cousin Tonia on October 28th, 2014.
Her death was also a shock. She learned that she was sick only days before Christian passed away. This did not stop her from immediately rushing to our side when she heard the tragic news. Never once did she let on to me that she was in pain. In fact she went with me to the funeral home to make arrangements and discuss Christian’s headstone. Only now I know how terrifying that must have been for her knowing that she was very likely close to her own death.
Like Christian, Tonia was one of the most beautiful people I knew. She had the ability to light up the room with her smile. She always thought of others and her laugh is a sound I will never forget. She and I were ten years apart and I idolized her. When we were younger I would follow her and her friends around. It is easy to see why I was so drawn to her. She has beautiful energy, a glowing soul and is pure love.
On Christmas Eve 2013, our last Christmas with Christian and Tonia, I can remember thinking that we should really make an effort to get a family photo. This was the one holiday each year we were all together. We never got that photo. I thought, oh, we will get it next year. It haunts me each Christmas since.
During her final days Tonia promised me she would be with Christian and take care of him in heaven. She also told us that she and Christian would make themselves known during the holidays. They did. Our family needed that. Two losses in a matter of two months has forever changed my extended family.
Since losing Christian and Tonia they have both visited me in my dreams. They make their energy known to me. Tonia is always happy and radiating beauty whenever I see her in my dreams. I know this is her way to tell me they are okay and together. I miss her tremendously. There are many times I hear something funny and it feels as though she is with me, laughing right alongside me. It seems unfair that my aunt and uncle belong to the same club my husband and I do. It seems unfair that two people who brought such joy into others lives are no longer with us. We learn early on that life is not fair but these kind of losses are true depictions of the saying.
I am so grateful to have known and loved Tonia. She definitely shaped my life. Her legacy lives on. All who knew her loved her. She was a true example of just what the world needs more of; kindness, love, warmth, smiles, laughter and light. Love to heaven…